The Gift of Food

I love food.

I don't necessarily mean the act of eating food, although that can be quite enjoyable as well. I mean food as a form of nourishment, as a ritual, as a creative outlet, and as way to show you care. Food as a symbol in movies and books interests me as well. And the act of cooking is like magic to me.

I love cooking.

And baking. For a while I felt that there did not exist a more sincere way to show my appreciation for someone than baking a cake for said person. For me, the act of making a cake was not only the mixing of certain ingredients in a certain way to achieve a desired result, but a way to give some of my own time to someone else.

I think it all comes back to the ideas of warm and nourishment. The point of gift giving is to give something the other person might find useful and/or enjoyable, taking into account the person's likes and dislikes. To give food as a gift may seem to go against the idea of a durable gift, but by eating your gift that person is receiving nourishment from what you give them. It stays with them. It goes with them.

I don't feel the same way about cooking and baking as I did when I began baking. I can make stuff for myself now, without having the thought of someone else to give to. I can let myself experiment and allow myself to make mistakes. But food retains its magic for me. It's a wondrous thing that you may take unchanged from nature or transformed through heat and it goes into you and allows you to live on.

And this is why I love food, and thinking about food. It's magic.

Before we actually start...

I believe in fairy tales. I do. If I had to describe my ideal guy, he would be the perfect mix between the beast, the prince charming, the knight in shining armor, and the big bad wolf. I know that this is my first and biggest obstacle when it comes to finding a boyfriend, and ultimately Love. The fact that I want a kiss that makes me feel like fireworks are going off in the background pretty much means any guy that comes my way has a lot to do in order for me to like him. I know it's unfair, childish, and silly to do so, but that doesn't keep me from kissing frogs waiting for one of them to turn into my prince.

So far, none have, as it was obvious prior to my kissing that they wouldn't because they weren't frogs. They were people, and I knew who they were (more or less) and I knew before I put them through the Impassable Test that they weren't what I was looking for.

OkCupid says that I'm the Mixed Messenger. I am. I will give a guy a come hither one moment only to push his hands away the next. I will smile sweetly at him and then suddenly frown and look away just because I didn't like the way the light hit his hair. My mind is constantly checking rights and wrongs in a guy and the jury will come with an "ok" one moment, change into "not EVER" the next, and end in an "don't care, I'd rather be looking at jeans".

What does this all lead to? That this princess' main problem is that he actually believes he's a princess and expects a fairy tale-like romance. He is aware of it, and part of him says that he should change. Romance and relationships aren't what Disney told him should be (not that Disney ever said how gay relationships worked), but maybe he can have a few elements of the coveted fairy tale.

It's not like I understand myself, srsly.